2010-12-19
21:29:49
21:29:49
HAHAHAHAHHA
Hej bloggen!
Sitter här och läser FMLs och skrattar högt för mig själv så tänkte att jag kunde dela med mig av några! Vet att det blev en Wall of Text men tro mig, det är värt att läsa alla!
Sitter här och läser FMLs och skrattar högt för mig själv så tänkte att jag kunde dela med mig av några! Vet att det blev en Wall of Text men tro mig, det är värt att läsa alla!
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was
nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I
was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!"
I couldn't get out in time. FML
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business
partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with
his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with
him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I
was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!"
I couldn't get out in time. FML
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business
partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with
his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with
him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got
heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another
and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting
ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said
"Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill.
My teacher always gets our names confused caling me
Jill & her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now
known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML
heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another
and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting
ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said
"Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill.
My teacher always gets our names confused caling me
Jill & her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now
known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML
Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and
I were going to have sex for the first time. When I
opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus
pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box:
"love mom." FML
Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting
on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage.
He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys
doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?"
My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
Today, I was trying to have sex with my
boyfriend, David. I moaned his name
and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian
accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how
I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential
children died on your daughter's face last night."
I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because
she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML
Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do
stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left.
My parents had to untie me. FML
I were going to have sex for the first time. When I
opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus
pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box:
"love mom." FML
Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting
on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage.
He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys
doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?"
My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
Today, I was trying to have sex with my
boyfriend, David. I moaned his name
and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian
accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how
I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential
children died on your daughter's face last night."
I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because
she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML
Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do
stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left.
My parents had to untie me. FML
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I
sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The
glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling
out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds.
Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The
glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling
out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds.
Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me,
with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML
with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his
name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over
between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML
name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over
between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriends house with just me and
her. Things began to get heated and we started doing
it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I
decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?"
I hear behind me, "I am." FML
her. Things began to get heated and we started doing
it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I
decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?"
I hear behind me, "I am." FML
2010-12-15
16:33:56
16:33:56
FML
tänkte även ge er lite fml! skadegläde är den bästa glädjen!
Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out
on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and
tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted".
Well, at least they all laughed. FML
on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and
tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted".
Well, at least they all laughed. FML
Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the
half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window
went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked
down and he had scared the shit out of himself,
all over my shirt. FML
2010-12-10
02:28:54
02:28:54
FML
Asså, ååååh!!! blir så jäkla lack!
Som ni kanske vet, så sover jag helt förfärligt! asså verkligen! Så trött som jag är så somnar jag med datorn och lampan på, kläder och papper i sängen vid kanske 20 tiden.. vaknar upp 01:30 och tror jag ska till skolan.. nej, nej, nej! asså pallar inte, tror ni jag kan sova nu eller? klockan är 02:30 nu.. fan heller.. måste sitta och titta på film tills jag ska till plugget! FML
Som ni kanske vet, så sover jag helt förfärligt! asså verkligen! Så trött som jag är så somnar jag med datorn och lampan på, kläder och papper i sängen vid kanske 20 tiden.. vaknar upp 01:30 och tror jag ska till skolan.. nej, nej, nej! asså pallar inte, tror ni jag kan sova nu eller? klockan är 02:30 nu.. fan heller.. måste sitta och titta på film tills jag ska till plugget! FML
2010-12-01
00:36:09
00:36:09
Tårtan.
Tappade nyss en tårtbit vi hade kvar från pappas födelsedag på golvet. FML.
